Editors? EDITORS? We don' need to show you no steenkin' editors!!

So I was surfing around for images on a couple editing gigs I have going, and out “there” saw couple examples of why it makes sense to never use an editor. That I just watched Treasure of the Sierra Madre again is beside the point. The following examples clearly illustrate why you don’ need no steenkin’ editors.

Example A: A Clutrual Experience

The image here was on a photographer’s bio-links on a well known photo site. The thing that impressed me on this, was just how many rules of English are abandoned in so small a space. Time is money after all! You can clearly see how an editor here would have simply screwed things up, and distorted the clarity of the message. Better that this artist handle it alone. You go girl!

THANKS FOR BUY! MORE CHOICE IN MY COLLECTION: is a really great way to lead off. It immediately expresses gratitude for buy which hadn’t even occurred yet, so this was right on the money. Buy is the heart and soul of all e-commerce, and it it is made perfectly clear that there are thanks involved.

Following this strangely effective expression of gratitude, the user knows they can also have more choice in collection. Hemingway would be proud – the copy here is so terse it does not even waste time with plurals or clarity. Well played, ma’am, well played. You had me at “thanks for buy.”

All of this is really just leading users naturally and effortlessly into the glorious cluture on display. Then and only then, all becomes clear. Having more choice in a cluture collection for buy brings us all one step closer to conversion, and this artist knows it. She feed us with good, long time.

She was not one who was going to waste valuable resources on an editor for something going out as her portfolio, because this was of course note-perfect as it is. The potential clients are ready for buy more choice in collection, so get those cash registers ready, honey: there’s a cluture stampede coming! No steenkin’ editors needed here, gringa!

Example B: The Chef’s Dick

This next example shows us that it is difficult to run a restaurant and the potential disasters that occur when you don’t maintain strict standards in uniforms.

The chef was evidently having difficulty with his trousers, but how the staff was involved, we don’t really know for sure. We might assume that they had to take turns holding the pants closed for the chef who was obviously busy cooking and couldn’t do it himself. Maybe it was a problem due to an unusual shape he had, or a slope in the kitchen floor where he worked.

I like the idea that the owners are genuinely concerned about the chef’s uniform and working environment, and are doing all they can to protect his dick. I want to eat here!

What really gets me about this one though, is the cryptic way the omission of the last verb pushes it back on us. “We can’t ____ any staff to stay,” can be answered in so many ways – I am glad they understood to leave that up to the reader to figure out…as if we didn’t have enough on our hands with the chef’s dick falling out all over the place! An editor would have suggested making this more rigid, so the restaurateur is correct in expressing it more openly and pulling the reader in.

I came up with a couple options, kind of like Mad-Libs to help figure out what might be going on in this restaurant.
We can’t — any staff to stay:

• afford – they spent all their money on new pants and faulty zippers for the chef
• force – they are afraid the chef’s dick may interfere with proper dinner service
• train – the waitstaff has developed a sense of wanderlust (inspired no doubt, by the chef’s dick)
  
• hypnotize – hypnotists are expensive
• find – the staff are all hiding from the chef’s dick
• trick – everyone knows that restaurateurs routinely trick waitstaff with shiny things

I know if it were me coming to the restaurant’s window and seeing this, I would hope they could work out whatever problems the chef’s dick keeps causing. Maybe they could buy him some special equipment, or a custom made harness. Maybe some duct tape or paste or a helmet would help.

Just seems like his dick inspires and unlocks so much mystery, it would be worth trying a few more things before you just give up and apologize, locking the door. But wait.

Through this sign’s editor-less artistry, we leave (hungry) and are intrigued by the chef’s problems, and made all the more curious by connecting ethereally with the staff. I may leave now, but I am coming back later to find out more about the chef’s pants, experience more connections with the staff and maybe get some lasagna. Very sneaky, and shrewd – and only possible without an editor in there, hell-bent on ruining everything.